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Worry is a chain of negative thoughts about bad things that might happen in the future (Brene Brown, "Altas of the Heart"). It is a coping strategy we tend to employ when we feel anxious because we think (perhaps subconsciously) that it is helpful. Worrying feels...
The beliefs we hold form the lens through which we view and interpret the world around us and all our experiences. They help us make sense of situations and inform our decisions and actions. This happens both consciously and subconsciously. Some of our beliefs support...
Perfection is so alluring. We love our children so deeply that it makes sense that we would want to give them the best start to life and the best opportunity to flourish through being the perfect mum. We are parenting in a society that places excessive pressure on...
Our brains are constantly on the lookout for things that might harm us and in doing so, they create a lot of difficult thoughts. These thoughts might relate to pain from the past, challenges we are facing in the present or fear about the future. Positive thinking is...
Recently, a beautiful woman in the More to Mum community asked me if you could ever give yourself too much self-compassion. She wondered if there was a point where you just had to take accountability for what you’ve done and do better. As I listened to her describe...
We all make judgements all the time. We take in information and filter it through our own experiences, knowledge, and understanding of the world to make meaning and draw conclusions. But when we talk about feeling judged, we’re referring to people making critical,...
A man walks through the door and greets his wife. “What did you do today?”, he asks. “Nothing” she says in a weary tone. “I didn’t get anything done!” Truth is, she’s hardly taken a breath. She’s spent her entire day cleaning and tidying, preparing food, organising,...
Have you ever called yourself a bad mum, either out loud or in your mind? I certainly have and I know many other mums have too. I’ve been thinking about this label that we use. Why is it so prevalent? What does it even mean? And what is the impact of using it? I’m...
Society tells us that perfectionism is a good thing. Perhaps you too have been praised and rewarded for your high capacity, high standards, and meticulous work. You may have also believed that perfectionism was the same as trying your best and showing your commitment...
How would you define a strong woman? Perhaps you might use some of the following descriptions: Physically strong Confident Hard to persuade Unflappable Resilient Determined Independent In control Focused on her goals. I used to think that being a strong woman...
“Can you help me?” Four little words. They seem so simple yet mothers everywhere find them near impossible to say. What makes it hard is the meaning we attribute to asking for help. Without that meaning, asking for help is a neutral activity, neither positive or...
Automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are stories that we tell ourselves that aren’t necessarily true. They are distortions or negative interpretations of ourselves, what is happening around us, the past or the future, based on our beliefs and assumptions. ANTs happen...
Perfectionism is patterns of thinking and behaviours driven by the constant need to be or appear perfect (without flaws). It could also be described as the need to avoid being inadequate (anything less than perfect). For many years I proudly called myself a...
Dear Perfectionism, I’ve decided it’s time we parted ways. We’ve been together a long time. I’m not even sure how it happened, but somewhere in childhood you became my constant companion. You came with me into adulthood and by that time I thought you were an asset. I...
Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link, and at no additional cost to you, I’ll earn a small commission if you decide to purchase after clicking through the link. I’ll only ever recommend things that I love and believe will help you, and the decision to...
I’m fascinated by volcanoes. My heart raced with excitement and awe when I stood in the hot steam rising from the ground, walked across kilometres of lava rock, and flew in a helicopter over the crater of the active volcano in Hawaii. When...
When things aren't going the way we want them to, or we aren't coping as well as we think we should be, we can get caught up in criticising and judging ourselves. This can seem like a helpful and productive way to motivate ourselves to better actions and outcomes but...
From mid December and all the way through January we are surrounded by messages about reflecting on the year that is coming to an end and creating new year's resolutions. What did you achieve? What didn’t you achieve? How will you improve? What will you do next? Who...
In my previous blog post, I wrote about how to say no with kindness and respect. While exploring the reasons that saying no is difficult, something came up that really resonated with the More to Mum community – people pleasing. I received numerous messages from mums,...
I get asked for advice on how to say no all the time and I realised I hadn’t actually written a blog about it! So, here we are. Do you ever think “no, no, no, no, no “ and then hear the word “yes” slip out of your mouth? Or, do you say yes, and then spend ages feeling...
So many mums feel like they are not good enough, every day. This feeling goes beyond mum guilt (which is already a challenge). Feeling not good enough creates shame within us. Brene Brown defines the difference between guilt and shame: “I believe that guilt is...
Do you love your body? Like REALLY love it? Becoming a mum is one of the most amazing journeys of life, but that doesn’t mean it’s not without its ups and downs. The changes in your body image and how you see yourself can be some of the toughest to deal with and...
Imagine that your partner said to you: “You look awful today. I can see your stomach bulging over your pants and you haven’t even bothered to put any makeup on. You’ve really let yourself go.” Imagine that your best friend said to you: “Wow your house looks...
At the end of a long day, what plays on your mind? Is it something like any of these? The way you yelled at your son? That you were late to child care or school pick up because of your paid job? How you didn’t really listen when your daughter was telling you (for the...
Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link, and at no additional cost to you, I’ll earn a small commission if you decide to purchase after clicking through the link. I’ll only ever recommend things that I love and believe will help you, and the decision to...
Enjoy every moment It’s the sort of thing that well-meaning people say when you’re preparing for the birth of your baby. They also say it when you’re talking wistfully about how fast your children are growing up. Or when you’re sharing something about mum life that...
Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link, and at no additional cost to you, I’ll earn a small commission if you decide to purchase after clicking through the link. I’ll only ever recommend things that I love and believe will help you, and the decision to...
Do you ever feel like some day, someone is going to find out that you’re a great big fraud!? That someone is going to realise that you: Aren’t as good a mum as you seem to be Aren’t coping as well as you “should” be Have no idea what you’re doing in raising your...
This week I'm celebrating my 39th birthday. I’ve always loved getting older. For a long time, I’ve rounded up my age in the last 6 months before my birthday. Is that a bit strange? I think the reason I’m so excited about getting older is that I associate it with...
Do you ever speak to yourself in a way that you would never speak to someone else? Harsher? Meaner? More irrational? We all have a voice in our head that reminds us of the things we aren’t. That’s your inner critic. Your inner critic might tell you that you’re not:...